First Suicide Attempt

Laura brought me a DNA test -2020 Laura (a close friend of mine) brought me a DNA test -2020 in 2007, after years of searching , I finally met my namesake and mothers husband. The Man Named as my father on my birth certificate my mother died, by her own hand, when I was 8 years old. She Took with her, many secrets and unanswered questions. He welcomed me into his heart, his life, his family. Something didn't feel right to me? I couldn't shake the feeling that this situation is not true. i pushed for us to take a DNA test. it came back as a negative result. my world shattered that day. I'd lost much more than one person, one dream, one identity, on perspective on the beginnings of my life That Day I Wanted To Die - that day I Took an overdose - That day I was medically dead for 17 mins - that day the medical staff worked and worked so hard to keep my body alive - that day I experienced a NDE That day I was angry , disgusted, afraid, unsure, lost... Today - Has that been a year ?! No way! This gift means so much to me Laura Jessica 💯❤️💯 It brought me peace of mind, gave closure to , what was for all involved, an awful situation And gave to me, definitively, the information that I needed ♾️🙏 Whilst I can't go back and change the sequence of events in 2007 or take away the hurt and sadness I caused, I can love you all harder ❤️❤️ :'( The memories of 2007 still make me emotional, sad and "devastated" - not because I didn't get what I wanted - because of how many people were effected, negatively. :( 💔💔😥😢 I can move forward now. ☯️❤️ I Love all of you that have stood by me since the "incidents" that could have ended so badly on 13th July 2007 🙏☯️♾️❤️ It was not my time ❤️ I'm so glad and thankful for that 🕯️☯️❤️ And I am blessed to have been given another chance at life ❤️❤️ And now I can prove that I am a Celtic warrior, robust, hardy and genetically designed to inhabit much much colder climates! 🌀🌬️ ☃️⛄❄️ up Has that been a year ?! No way! This gift means so much to me Laura Jessica 💯❤️💯 It brought me peace of mind, gave closure to , what was for all involved, an awful situation And gave to me, definitively, the information that I needed ♾️🙏 Whilst I can't go back and change the sequence of events in 2007 or take away the hurt and sadness I caused, I can love you all harder ❤️❤️ :'( The memories of 2007 still make me emotional, sad and "devastated" - not because I didn't get what I wanted - because of how many people were effected, negatively. :( 💔💔😥😢 I can move forward now. ☯️❤️ I Love all of you that have stood by me since the "incidents" that could have ended so badly on 13th July 2007 🙏☯️♾️❤️ It was not my time ❤️ I'm so glad and thankful for that 🕯️☯️❤️ And I am blessed to have been given another chance at life ❤️❤️ And now I can prove that I am a Celtic warrior, robust, hardy and genetically designed to inhabit much much colder climates! 🌀🌬️ ☃️⛄❄️

Overdose Awareness Day

If you can relate to this I am praying for you, As well as your loved ones to finally break threw. If you don’t know the pain of this, Do me a favour and give your kids a hug and a kiss. Take a minute and think about walking in my shoes, Is my child is dead or alive; I don’t have a clue. Is he going to eat the food and gifts I bring to him, Or is he looking at it as a needle that he’s about to win? I better pack a Naloxone kit in a gift bag for my son, In hopes someone finds it before the damage is done. Arriving at his door at the rooming house, I knock on the door, but it’s quiet as a mouse. I hope you never have to worrying about opening your child’s door, In fear on the other side …..they are dead on the floor. To have the courage to see what’s inside, Then to find out he’s down the hall trying to hide. Hide from his mom why would he do such a thing, Cause he knows the heartbreak it will bring. Not only to his mom but also to him, He doesn’t want to be this way, he feels he can’t win. When he tells himself he’s finally had enough, He starts the process, but those withdrawals are really tough! Not to mention the insane thoughts that he has had, Combine that with the withdrawals things get really bad. So the days go by and they turn into weeks, My heart grows weary and often weak. Then the anger and hurt takes over me, And I’m screaming again how can this be. So The next time your driving down the Main Street, Send a prayer for our loved ones that drugs they will beat. Pray for us and our families too, That we have strength for the day to get threw. Please Don’t look at our children like they’re any less, Thank God instead you are not in this mess.

International Overdose Awareness Day 2021

International Overdose Awareness Day 2021: Individuals and organisations have the chance to register and host activities for the International Overdose Awareness Day.

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Holistic Health Healer Leicester : Doc Luben - "14 Lines from Love Letters or Suicide...

Holistic Health Healer Leicester : Doc Luben - "14 Lines from Love Letters or Suicide...

Lessons Learnt During 2020

Straight up... I don't think that 2020 is the worst year of my life... I have a whole new appreciation for the support and love that people have clearly shown me. I have only ever shown people the exact same amount of time and effort afforded to me... People have shown their true colours... And I am even more sure about the fact that I am not always the one who is wrong and I don't always have to believe that I am at fault....

I'm not doubting in anyway, shape or form that people are suffering and are feeling traumatised by the challenges of this year, I would never trivialise the validity or dismiss the depth of pain that someone may feel.....

What I am absolutely saying is that I would not ever encourage bad  behaviour that I would not wish for myself... I'm not forcing my opinion on anyone or encouraging anyone to knowing take unnecessary risks, unless they are absolutely sure of the consequences.... but I also am not going to feel guilty about doing whatever I think is the best for my family......

Regrets are only for those that doubt themselves... And I know for a fact I'd do whatever I had to for my 3 children, grandson and all the future generations that I am yet to meet.... I am under no illusion that I am so blessed that my children think I am worthy enough to be given a 2nd chance to make amends, some people will never be so fortunate... 💔 So I make absolutely no apology for making a big deal about them and blatantly putting them first...