Semicolon Necklace Silver or Gold

Semicolon Necklace Silver or Gold: Semicolon Necklace. Project Semicolon is an organization that began with one girl’s story and her fight to find purpose and reason to live. Buying a…

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An Open Letter to My my Brother

An Open Letter to my Brother in Heaven

From: Your Eldest Sister

It is 5 years since we lost you and 5 years have never felt so long. 

5 years without my very best friend. 

5 years of waking up every morning having to face the reality of life without you. 

5 years of talking to you in my head all day long hoping and praying that your listening and that the strength that you carried through your life can some how be reflected onto me.

5 years of wondering if I'm the only sister that got left with so much pain when I lost my brother.

There was nothing more comforting than knowing I had my brother to protect me. 

If anyone hurt me they would have to answer to you. lt was like I had an imaginary shield around me because my brother was only phone call away. 

You gave me the biggest gift anyone's ever gave me and that gift was confidence in myself and life. During my six months hospital stay , you never missed a visit and you motivated me to become well enough so I could be discharged. 

You and Mum worked tirelessly to make sure that I had a brand new home to restart my life - you gave me a second chance. 

I thought I had the rest of our lives to thank you....

Im writing this letter because, I just wanted to thank you.  ... 

Thank you for 40 years of being my little brother. 

Every thing you did taught me to be a stronger person. You achieved so much and did so much good in your 40 years. I look to you if I flounder. 

Thank you for listening to my stupid drama's.  

Thanks for scaring and interrogating any other male you ever saw around me. (you went a bit over board but... You meant well ).

Thank you for teaching me I had worth. 

 

Thank you for the motivation to live, for telling me I had to give it my all ; To laugh, love and enjoy my future.

 

 

You taught me to put my whole heart into everything I do in life.

Most importantly thank you for becoming my best friend as we got older, and in those final weeks our relationships and bonds with each other became so much stronger . 

Thank you for dealing with my sometimes difficult personality , for telling me to take a chill pill. For pointing out how I am reacting and not reflecting. 

Thank you for coming around to wake Mason and I up at every morning for a cuppa and a chinwag.  

Thank you for making me promise you I'd never hurt myself again. 

You told me that I could call you no matter why or what time it was and you would be there to listen, talk,  & understand. 

Thanks for sometimes letting me party with you and letting me feel like I was a Superstar. ( I wasn't ) You always thought to ask me along. I usually always joined in the shenigans &  fun. Lol - We loved partying.  

Thank you so much for the thousands of laughs, i'll never forget the sound of your laugh. ( especially the way you laughed at your own jokes ) I often watch the Facebook videos we filmed of you. I love to hear your voice. 

Thank you for bringing Emily into my life. I think that you knew you would not be around for much longer and that she was going to help me to continue "living" and prevent me from a relapse or another hospital admission. 

Emily has become my world and she is the reason I keep breathing. 

I wanted to tell you that YOU always have been and always will be my hero. 

Although I didn't truly understand or admit this until you left. 

The fact is you trained your whole life to be an angel.

You battled the demons, monsters, the wounds with the bravery of a true soldier, each and every day.  

I try to stay strong like you taught me. 

The hardest part of losing you was when life started to move forward, and I began to realise that even I have to move forward to and I had to learn how to live without you. 

I realised that my future grandchildren won't grow up with you around. 

I think that you would have loved to be a great uncle. 

For a long time, I forgot that you're no longer a phone call away . 

I saved your number and texts messages. 

I still wish you'd text me back. 

People continue to ask "how are your family?" & it hits me again, that you are not here, anymore.  

We won't grow older together. 

I've had you as my brother your entire life. 

I miss you more than words can explain - there are no 

words I can use to say that, I more than just miss you !!

There is a void, a black hole, an emptiness within me , that I simply am unable to explain. 

I know that our creator energy must have had a very special job that he needed you for. - You are The brightest star in the night sky. 

I know that you grew weary and life was not easy for you. 

I wished I could have saved you. Just as you saved me. 

I know you're watching over us all. And I know that you continue to be ever present in my life. 

I still wish though, that you could have stayed here with us, just for a while longer.

 

I know, that when it's my time, I'll see you again bro.

 I'm sorry that it took me 5 years to have the strength to write this letter. 

 

I love you my angel, my brother. my friend.

Forever 

your sister - Kristie

(Footnote - To everyone who has lost a sibling and might feel like your pain is overlooked , it's not. Reach out to friends and loved ones, if you are struggling. 

I found some support groups online very supportive, caring, compassionate and they helped me a lot. I used a generic search engine and looked up "Sibling loss" "Suicide Survivors" and "Overdose Loss" . 

I hope that you find peace.

https://www.forevermissed.com/robin-francis-ali 

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First Suicide Attempt

Laura brought me a DNA test -2020 Laura (a close friend of mine) brought me a DNA test -2020 in 2007, after years of searching , I finally met my namesake and mothers husband. The Man Named as my father on my birth certificate my mother died, by her own hand, when I was 8 years old. She Took with her, many secrets and unanswered questions. He welcomed me into his heart, his life, his family. Something didn't feel right to me? I couldn't shake the feeling that this situation is not true. i pushed for us to take a DNA test. it came back as a negative result. my world shattered that day. I'd lost much more than one person, one dream, one identity, on perspective on the beginnings of my life That Day I Wanted To Die - that day I Took an overdose - That day I was medically dead for 17 mins - that day the medical staff worked and worked so hard to keep my body alive - that day I experienced a NDE That day I was angry , disgusted, afraid, unsure, lost... Today - Has that been a year ?! No way! This gift means so much to me Laura Jessica 💯❤️💯 It brought me peace of mind, gave closure to , what was for all involved, an awful situation And gave to me, definitively, the information that I needed ♾️🙏 Whilst I can't go back and change the sequence of events in 2007 or take away the hurt and sadness I caused, I can love you all harder ❤️❤️ :'( The memories of 2007 still make me emotional, sad and "devastated" - not because I didn't get what I wanted - because of how many people were effected, negatively. :( 💔💔😥😢 I can move forward now. ☯️❤️ I Love all of you that have stood by me since the "incidents" that could have ended so badly on 13th July 2007 🙏☯️♾️❤️ It was not my time ❤️ I'm so glad and thankful for that 🕯️☯️❤️ And I am blessed to have been given another chance at life ❤️❤️ And now I can prove that I am a Celtic warrior, robust, hardy and genetically designed to inhabit much much colder climates! 🌀🌬️ ☃️⛄❄️ up Has that been a year ?! No way! This gift means so much to me Laura Jessica 💯❤️💯 It brought me peace of mind, gave closure to , what was for all involved, an awful situation And gave to me, definitively, the information that I needed ♾️🙏 Whilst I can't go back and change the sequence of events in 2007 or take away the hurt and sadness I caused, I can love you all harder ❤️❤️ :'( The memories of 2007 still make me emotional, sad and "devastated" - not because I didn't get what I wanted - because of how many people were effected, negatively. :( 💔💔😥😢 I can move forward now. ☯️❤️ I Love all of you that have stood by me since the "incidents" that could have ended so badly on 13th July 2007 🙏☯️♾️❤️ It was not my time ❤️ I'm so glad and thankful for that 🕯️☯️❤️ And I am blessed to have been given another chance at life ❤️❤️ And now I can prove that I am a Celtic warrior, robust, hardy and genetically designed to inhabit much much colder climates! 🌀🌬️ ☃️⛄❄️

Overdose Awareness Day

If you can relate to this I am praying for you, As well as your loved ones to finally break threw. If you don’t know the pain of this, Do me a favour and give your kids a hug and a kiss. Take a minute and think about walking in my shoes, Is my child is dead or alive; I don’t have a clue. Is he going to eat the food and gifts I bring to him, Or is he looking at it as a needle that he’s about to win? I better pack a Naloxone kit in a gift bag for my son, In hopes someone finds it before the damage is done. Arriving at his door at the rooming house, I knock on the door, but it’s quiet as a mouse. I hope you never have to worrying about opening your child’s door, In fear on the other side …..they are dead on the floor. To have the courage to see what’s inside, Then to find out he’s down the hall trying to hide. Hide from his mom why would he do such a thing, Cause he knows the heartbreak it will bring. Not only to his mom but also to him, He doesn’t want to be this way, he feels he can’t win. When he tells himself he’s finally had enough, He starts the process, but those withdrawals are really tough! Not to mention the insane thoughts that he has had, Combine that with the withdrawals things get really bad. So the days go by and they turn into weeks, My heart grows weary and often weak. Then the anger and hurt takes over me, And I’m screaming again how can this be. So The next time your driving down the Main Street, Send a prayer for our loved ones that drugs they will beat. Pray for us and our families too, That we have strength for the day to get threw. Please Don’t look at our children like they’re any less, Thank God instead you are not in this mess.

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